Going Beyond

Going Beyond.

“Ultimately, the word ‘beyond’ captures the true meaning of spirituality. In its most basic sense, going beyond means going past where you are… beyond the sense of a restricted self.”
~Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul

Here I am, riding the waves of transition again—in fact, not just one, but a few of them—all perfectly messily coming at me at the same time. Some I have chosen, some I have not (although I already see a crack in that argument). Ready or not, willing or not, the fact is it’s happening. Given the range and depth of the matters at hand, I can practically hear a voice calling from the cosmic sidelines, “Go big, or go home”.

I’ve been sitting with this idea a lot lately, this idea of going beyond. Clearly, it is what’s being asked of me. To this, I humbly ask back, how to do so gracefully?

This inquiry has led me to examine what my habits are, my patterns, my fears, my beliefs. It is causing me to question where exactly the boundaries lie that keep me in my comfort zone, and what happens when I willfully (or unknowingly) take action to eradicate them.

This is not light work. This is not a summer beach read.

As this experience continues to unfold, I find myself feeling moments of sheer terror, mixed with slight discomfort, coated in lukewarm anxiety, sweetened with pure excitement, which then erupts into total joy before turning back to sheer terror again about every 90 minutes or so.

Loneliness gives way to awareness of infinite divine guidance and support, which folds back into loneliness again. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Despite the spin cycle I’m in, there have been moments of crystalline awareness where I recognize that life is in a state of flux—not just mine, not just now, but everyone’s at all times. The suffering comes when we forget that this is the natural state of things; when, in our forgetfulness, we attempt to hold on for dear life to the moment we’re experiencing, and when we do so successfully for long enough that we trick ourselves into believing that we are actually the ones in control.

Right now, it is clear, I don’t have control over much. It is at times insanely uncomfortable over here, but it’s a good reminder of the few things I do have control over: my mind, my breath, my choice of response. This realization has led me to rekindle my dedication to practice, to mindfulness, and to breathing deeply before acting out.

Byron Katie writes, “ When you finally realize that every stressful moment you experience is a gift that points your way to freedom, life becomes very kind.”

In that case, I can honestly say, life is sweet indeed.

From Vacation to Staycation: A Survival Guide

During the closing circle on the last night of our retreat in Costa Rica, 14 of us sat together, eyes closed but hearts wide open, basking in the support of the community we had co-created over the previous six days. Despite the love that was pulsing through the group, there was also a tangible sadness, accompanied by her shadier companion, fear. For many, the question loomed: “How can I return home to my 9 – 5 life after an experience like this?” The answer, so wisely stated from one of the many teachers in our group: You bring this back with you.

And then, the bigger question followed: How?

If you’ve ever experienced a powerful retreat, workshop, or even just a much-needed vacation, you’re probably familiar with the heart pangs that accompany the realization that reality awaits you as soon as you leave the space you are in and begin the journey home. Depending on your relationship with the reality you’ve created, this can be bitter or sweet, or a mixture of both. Regardless of whether the transition is smooth or turbulent however, it’s a transition just the same. Blame it on the laws of natural selection, but it seems to be a part of the human condition that transitions, for most of us, require practice and skillfulness in order to navigate them with ease and grace.

Over the past few weeks, as I’ve gone through the now familiar ups and downs of my own homecoming, I feel fortunate to have gained some insight (along with many more days’ worth of practice) on the subject. What follows is a survival guide of sorts, which may come in handy the next time you find yourself jetting back from paradise on a crash course towards reality.

(Suggestion one: Buckle your seat belt and breathe deeply through the clear plastic mask. Although oxygen will be flowing freely, the bag will not inflate.)

From Vacation to Staycation: A User’s Manual and Survival Guide

In my experience, the three main reasons I suffer from anxiety, discomfort, sadness, grief, longing and fill-in-the-blank, when I leave paradise and head back into my “real” life are:

1. I go from a state of expansion to contraction.

2. My daily life isn’t entirely congruent with my highest values, needs and goals.

3. I am trapped in the illusion that paradise is something conditional and outside of me.

After observing these three traits in myself, I posed the following questions:

1. What would it look like to be in a state of expansion more often in my daily life?

2. What would my daily life look like if it were totally aligned with my highest values, needs and goals? How can I bring my life into this alignment?

3. What are the limiting conditions I place on experiencing peace? How can I be centered in peacefulness despite the fluctuations of the world around me?

I could tell you my own answers to these questions, but honestly, I’d rather hear yours…

In the meantime, here’s to the practice.

With love,
D