Going Beyond

Going Beyond.

“Ultimately, the word ‘beyond’ captures the true meaning of spirituality. In its most basic sense, going beyond means going past where you are… beyond the sense of a restricted self.”
~Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul

Here I am, riding the waves of transition again—in fact, not just one, but a few of them—all perfectly messily coming at me at the same time. Some I have chosen, some I have not (although I already see a crack in that argument). Ready or not, willing or not, the fact is it’s happening. Given the range and depth of the matters at hand, I can practically hear a voice calling from the cosmic sidelines, “Go big, or go home”.

I’ve been sitting with this idea a lot lately, this idea of going beyond. Clearly, it is what’s being asked of me. To this, I humbly ask back, how to do so gracefully?

This inquiry has led me to examine what my habits are, my patterns, my fears, my beliefs. It is causing me to question where exactly the boundaries lie that keep me in my comfort zone, and what happens when I willfully (or unknowingly) take action to eradicate them.

This is not light work. This is not a summer beach read.

As this experience continues to unfold, I find myself feeling moments of sheer terror, mixed with slight discomfort, coated in lukewarm anxiety, sweetened with pure excitement, which then erupts into total joy before turning back to sheer terror again about every 90 minutes or so.

Loneliness gives way to awareness of infinite divine guidance and support, which folds back into loneliness again. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Despite the spin cycle I’m in, there have been moments of crystalline awareness where I recognize that life is in a state of flux—not just mine, not just now, but everyone’s at all times. The suffering comes when we forget that this is the natural state of things; when, in our forgetfulness, we attempt to hold on for dear life to the moment we’re experiencing, and when we do so successfully for long enough that we trick ourselves into believing that we are actually the ones in control.

Right now, it is clear, I don’t have control over much. It is at times insanely uncomfortable over here, but it’s a good reminder of the few things I do have control over: my mind, my breath, my choice of response. This realization has led me to rekindle my dedication to practice, to mindfulness, and to breathing deeply before acting out.

Byron Katie writes, “ When you finally realize that every stressful moment you experience is a gift that points your way to freedom, life becomes very kind.”

In that case, I can honestly say, life is sweet indeed.