On allowing...

After an uncertain November, the cosmos aligned and my prayers were answered, so that I can joyfully report I am writing this on my way to Panama in order to meet Kevin, ring in the New Year, and yoga our faces off. As I prepare for six weeks of jungle and beach life, (Costa Rica is next!) and treasured days spent practicing and sharing yoga with others, I also have to observe the difficulty with which my mind is struggling to unwind and let go. Sitting in the terminal, anticipating six stress-free weeks of self-exploration, sun, and professional development, my mind is at work and my heart is racing.

For me, these trips mark a time of growth, intention-setting, clearing and surrender. Upon each subsequent return home, I have arrived a different person— more open, more trusting in the role of divine guidance, and ready to share my gifts with increased courage, confidence, and (hopefully) grace. Given the level of discomfort I’ve been feeling—something I can only liken to emotional growing pains—I am ready for this time of restructuring and renewal to say the least.

For the past month or so, I’ve been intently imagining a life increasingly in line with my passions, with more time spent teaching, cooking, and assisting others to achieve wellbeing. Of course, the reality of this life path so far, is that financial abundance has been slow to build. As I dream about transitioning out of waiting tables and more fully tapping into my skill set, I have encountered a lot of fear, doubt and uncertainty about how this is all going to work out.

As in yoga, this experience is a practice, a delicate dance, and a union of opposites. On the one hand, I feel the need to take action: to set intentions; to make contacts and connections; to visualize my life as I want to live it. But there must be a balance, for on the other hand, I sense the need to let go, to literally allow these things to come into my life by trusting in the universe and letting them flow to me.

In this age of the Law of Attraction, it takes a lot to let go of the idea that we, mere mortals, can make anything happen. This is not to discredit our abilities to manifest our reality. In my experience, I just don’t manifest things the way I may think. Often times, what I deem to be positive and necessary action is motivated by a lack of faith and an undercurrent of fear that things will fail to open up, and so in my doing, I am actually undoing any hope of progress.

When I look at my life up to this point, I can recognize time and again that in moments when I felt unsure, when I lacked a solid plan or sure-footing, or when my best-laid plans didn’t materialize, the moment I chose to surrender my will and trust what was to come, a major shift occurred. Even in moments of clarity, when I knew exactly what I wanted to attract, it was by releasing that I was able to receive.

My experience just over a year ago, which brought me to Nosara is one real-life example. Meeting Kevin after four months of dancing this same waltz of intention and surrender, attraction and allowing, is another.

I have my wish list, my goals, and a mind full of ideas and inspirations I’d like to bring to reality. Over, the next six weeks, the only task on my to-do list will be to clear enough space within me to allow the grace of the universe to unfold.

May you all find that same space within you as we welcome 2010.

With love